Dear Cabinet and Politburo members
COMRADES, when I look at these people who always make noise; flinging all manner of accusations against us, even to the point of being openly disrespectful of the leadership as to insult them, I blame it all on myself.
The honest leader I always have been, I think it would only be fair that I take full responsibility for this state of affairs because, soon after Independence, there were just too many firebrand leaders and cadres who wanted to adopt a no-nonsense stance towards dissent of any form, but being the democrat I have always been, I stopped them from dealing ruthlessly with those who sought to make names and careers for themselves by criticising government and even insulting the country’s God-given leadership.
I strongly believed that this was part and parcel of the package of freedom that came with the democracy that we had fought so gallantly to bring to our people. I had to repeatedly restrain members of our firebrand Youth League who wanted to deal decisively with mischief-makers. As you are all aware of, I even had to go to the extent of taking the painful decision of dismissing, from my Cabinet, colleagues such as Cde Tekere who were refusing to embrace our government’s policy of reconciliation because they did not have any time for Sunday school morality.
They believed that people should be ruled and ruled they should feel, not imagine.
But being the quintessential democrat that I still I am to this very day, I had to make sure that we did not give the world the dangerously wrong impression that ours was a dictatorship, worse than the regime that we had replaced.
I decided that it was fine for people to make as much noise as they wanted as they made idiots of themselves because — though irritating — it would all be harmless noise. To me it was just like a dog barking at a passing elephant, the best way to handle it is just to ignore it out of existence… that is how I took it.
Just like I did not agree with the unjust policies of the previously regime, I could not allow anyone to be harsh on those who decided — almost always for the fun and mischief of it — to disagree with us. The democrat in me could not allow that. No one can plant evil into a heart of a good man like me, so it was only natural that I decided that we should tolerate whoever had claim to the citizenship of this country because we had no more rights than them.
It is this policy that, as you can all see now Cdes, our detractors have done their best to abuse in order to scandalise us.
Although, as a democrat, I do not entirely regret this democratic stance that I took, once in a while, with the benefit of hindsight, I feel that I should not have been too generous as I was.
I should have allowed some measure of control on what freedoms the people could enjoy and to what extent, instead of making it a free for all affair.
That was irresponsible, on my part. These people went on to abuse that freedom to the extent of starting to see us as dictators.
But the fact that these people think that we are dictators and can freely say it and nothing happens to them shows exactly the opposite… that we are democrats.
In real dictatorships, no one can do that and get away with it.
We have been so liberal in our democracy that we have created a whole generation of people who can only imagine what a dictatorship is really like to the extent of them stretching their wild imagination to think of us as dictators.
The problem we have now is when our youths, ably led by Cde Kudzanai, try to institute the much-needed discipline in this country, the opposition and all our detractors the world over start believing that ours is a brutal dictatorship, when it is not. This puts us in a real fix. It is all my fault and I should apologise for this oversight.
Meanwhile, Cdes, I find it ironic that the opposition, which is scared witless by the bumper attendance that our nationwide youth rallies are enjoying, are complaining that these rallies are a waste of public resources. How silly?
Who in this country does not know that there is a world of difference between the ruling party and government? These no-hopers deliberately choose to pretend not to know that the party is not the government and that these rallies are entirely private meetings that are funded to the last cotton-picking cent by the party.
In the past, we have faced spurious accusations that we seek to conflate The Party and government. Now that the party happens to have, at its disposal, more resources than the government, our mendacious critics choose to conveniently confuse the two. How silly!
Let us keep mobilising the youths to register to vote in the coming elections so that we show the opposition and its handlers in the West that this country will never be a colony again!
…AND THE NOTEBOOK
Zimbos, who only a few weeks ago were celebrating their tails off as if they suddenly had a currency of their own after winning the Confederation of Southern African Football Associations (COSAFA) tournament, were this week fuming and stewing at the coach Sunday Chidzambwa after his Warriors were thankfully booted out of the CHAN tournament after losing to lowly-ranked Namibia.
Dr CZ is very happy that the Warriors have reached the end of the road. If Zimbos, who seem to have so much energies to waste on — of all barren things — soccer, could divert only half of all that energy and just a tithe of that anger and invest these priceless resources towards things and the people that really matter in their lives, they would not be in the mess that is no longer just part of their quotidian existence, but their life itself.
They celebrate and grieve over soccer as if their life is all about soccer, when they neglect real issues of life… issues that have made them the laughing stock of the whole world. Until and unless Zimbos start taking themselves at least half-seriously, Dr CZ will always be angry with them for wasting their special attention on soccer and such other barren activities that are costly in terms of a scare resource called attention.
Dr CZ has been enjoying re-reading the little 2013 book, The Way of The Light, by his sister, Lutanga Shaba. It is a book that would leave 99,67 percent of Dr CZ’s fans, especially those who claim to be Christians, beside themselves with guilt. Here is a small excerpt.
“You must forgive yourself for all that you have done to demean the glorious person that you are. You do not need to cover up to anyone because you know what you have done. It is not about impressing anyone. Face up to yourself. Alone.
“Have you lived your life like the vessel of the Divine, or have you alienated yourself from joy? Remember, this is not about judgment. It is about recognising that which is blocking your good from coming to you.
“Start with the small things and as you feel the guilt lift through the grace of God, move on to the heavier things; the petty theft when you took someone’s nice pen, buying that fancy cellphone that was obviously stolen, back-stabbing a colleague at work, sleeping with your friend’s partner, lying and covering up for a mistake that you made, stealing, in whatever form, giving and or accepting bribes, cheating in an examination or competition, being abusive and hurting others, killing directly or indirectly, inciting violence, being hateful, thinking bad thoughts about your fellows who have what you wish you had, knowingly selling defective goods, cheating on your partner, be it your boy or girlfriend, husband or wife; contributing to the destruction of someone’s marriage, sabotaging a competitor’s business, letting an innocent person suffer when you know the culprit, destroying other people’s property, forcing sex on an unwilling partner, sexually abusing a child or workmate, gossiping and slandering others, being spiteful in actions that harm others, usually based on fear, envy or jealousy …the list is endless.”
Dr CZ wonders how many of his fans who are hoping to go to heaven would emerge at the other side of the drainpipe unscathed if this excerpt were a standard charge-sheet waiting for them on the other side of the rainbow.
At long last, God and the gods had answered the sisters’ call. A store that sold husbands had just opened, where women could go in to freely choose their dream husbands. At the entrance was a description of how the store operated.
One of the rules was that one could visit the store only once.
There were six floors and the attributes of the men increased as the happy shopper ascended the staircase. There was, however, one strict “no reverse” rule… one could choose any man from a particular floor and when they could not make their pick, could try the floor above, but they could not return to choose a husband from the floor they have previously passed. They were only allowed to come down to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1: These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2: These men have jobs, love the Lord and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids and are extremely good looking.
“Wow!” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are good looking and help with the housework.
“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, adding: “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6: You are visitor 4 363 012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!