CABINET FILES: No cash for Morgan & Company , Cdes

CABINET FILES: No cash for Morgan & Company , Cdes
MDC-T leader Morgan Tsvangirai

MDC-T leader Morgan Tsvangirai

Dear Cabinet and Politburo members

COMRADES, I am so impressed with the idea that came from some of you, our strategists, in the party… the idea that we should withhold the money due to Morgan and his party under the Political Finances Act. When you Cdes suggested this idea, I thought it was not going to work … I thought the party was going make a lot of noise (even in the courts) that would, in the end, embarrass us into releasing the money. To my own surprise, this strategy has worked so well that the party is now so weak that it can no longer even afford to make the slightest noise.
Cde Pats tells me that over the past few years, we have been able to starve Morgan & Co to the tune of more than $2 million … and I can see that this is taking a toll on the party — going perfectly according to our strategy. The party cannot afford to pay for anything and it is being sued left, right and centre. The workers and former workers are livid and everything that should go wrong is going wrong at Harvest-where-you-did-not-sow House. The $1 million that they owe former party workers who are suing in the courts is just about half of what Cde Pats is currently sitting on … pleading poverty as testified by his inability to promptly meet all other government obligations. What can they do to him? Nothing!
On our part, we have been getting our share of the funds timely, and sometimes even in advance, and investing it in strengthening the party… buying vehicles and other things that are needed for the smooth operation of the party. This is in addition to taking advantage of the deliberate conflation between our ever-ruling party and the government to get the government to foot some of our party’s bills as in the case of the on-going inter-face rallies.
Now, with less than a year before we go for elections, we can just maintain the stranglehold a little longer and that party will not recover forever.
They invited illegal sanctions upon us, right? So we have imposed our own sanctions on them … let them get a taste of their own medicine.
When you Cdes told me that if we were to starve the party of funds, in turn that party’s youth would suffer the most and they would become easy targets for infiltration, I did not believe it. But in hindsight, I am now realising that the strategy has worked … we now need to give them as little as $5 each to get them to turn on their leaders … like they did to this Thokozani woman at the weekend. As it is now, we can ask them to do anything and they will do it because they are starving. This was such a brilliant strategy.
While Morgan & Co are hamstrung like this, we are making giant steps towards next year’s elections. I am now more than confident that the five million voters we are targeting in the coming elections — up from the two million we got in 2013 — is so easily achievable. Let them go ahead with their silly coalitions … it makes it easy for us to soundly defeat them.
At the weekend, Brother Kagame of Rwanda got 98 percent of the vote in that country’s elections.

Challenge accepted.
Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely

Vice President Emmerson Mnangagwa

Vice President Emmerson Mnangagwa


Last week, Vice President Emmerson Mnangagwa refused to answer a question from the opposition in Parliament regarding the issue of succession that had been raised at the ruling party’s rally in Chinhoyi on the same day that Cde George Charamba would love to completely forget. He argued that he was not in Parly to answer party issues and whosoever had interest in ZANU-PF should join the party. Efforts by several opposition members to argue that as the ruling party, policy pronouncements at these rallies had a direct bearing on government policy, fell on deaf ears and Mnangagwa got away with it.
The opposition was correct in demanding that Mnangagwa and his colleague, Phelekezela Mphoko, explain some things to the nation. It was, therefore, only natural that Mnangagwa flatly refused … because there was no way he could have done it without exposing his backside as his party is the greatest saboteur to this country.
ZANU-PF is the greatest threat to the stability of this country … in fact, it is the greatest opposition party to the government. It exists more to negate government policies than to support them.
While government is trying to cut the budget deficit by removing ghost workers from the bloated civil service, the party’s owner, addressing the Chinhoyi rally, ordered that some party thugs hired as “youth officers”, who were in the process of being weeded out of the civil service payroll, be reinstated. They were re-instated inside 48 hours!
These are people who do not even have basic O-levels, but morons who cannot tell their left from right that the party is giving priority ahead of nurses, teachers and other key staff who the civil service needs badly. Talk of parochial interest!
The Finance Minister announces indefinite suspension of undeserved bonus payments to civil servants and at a party gathering, the same leader scoffs at it and promises that the bonuses will be paid come rain come sunshine. We are already in August and the government is still paying bonuses from last year!
The same government says it would want to promote the recovery of local industry… on the other end the mis-ruling party is issuing its members open licences and spaces to sell second-hand clothes and imported (smuggled) food stuffs and other products.
The National Parks authorities are trying to promote fisheries… party goons are busy giving each other import licences to import mackerel fish from Namibia and other countries for next to nothing and flooding the local market. The same goes for the chickens that are imported from as far afield as Brazil.
Last week, there were reports that some ruling party goons were going from village to village in Manicaland buying maize from the hapless communal farmers for as little as $2 per bucket using cash that only they can access from banks. After paying between $100 and $120 per tonne, these “farmers” deliver the maize to the Grain Marketing Board where they use their influence to ensure their $390 per tonne is paid promptly.
This is in addition to the maize that these goons are importing from Mozambique, Zambia and South Africa for a song and to make jaw-dropping pickings at the GMB while also covering up for the lie that Command Agriculture was a huge success.
You find this being repeated in each and every sector and sub-sector of the economy. The party considers the country to be its spoils of war and its members have no qualms when it comes to wantonly plundering it because, just like an occupation force, they are not sure what tomorrow has in store.
Tried & tested
A little over a week ago was the fourth anniversary of the July 31, 2013 harmonised elections which the tried and tested ZANU-PF won hands down after being helped by a soporific opposition that had been lulled into deep slumber by the feather-beddings that came with some remote semblance of power in the coalition government.
As confirmation of what the opposition had been swearing about that as much as ZANU-PF could rig an electoral victory, it could not do the same with the economy, Dr CZ went to his bank intending to make a cash withdrawal of just over $1 000, but he was told he could not get the money, nor could he do a transfer because it was going to take at least a fortnight for it to be processed.
Back then, after my fans kicked away the coalition government, Dr CZ warned them to brace for the return of the arid days of 2008 because the atrocious track record of the tried and tested ZANU-PF was well-known. Back then Zimbos would complain that a daily cash withdrawal limit of $500 was too low, but today they have since stopped complaining because some count themselves very lucky if they get $20 in a week. This is ZANU-PF for you!
Guinea pigs
An American charity organisation, GiveDirectly, has started a pilot project in Kenya in which it is giving US$22 monthly to every adult in some of that country’s poorest villages with no strings attached whatsoever. This will go on for 12 years. The idea behind this experiment is to see how people, given a chance to climb out of the dungeons of suffocating poverty, would do it. To some, this would be extra income, but to a majority of these villagers, this would be all the income they have. After 12 years, the researchers would want to compare if there is any material difference between these communities, and those in which help is given in kind and decided by the givers themselves.
The money is paid directly to the guinea pigs via mobile money transfer every month, after which nothing is expected of them, save for researchers requiring to see if there would be any marked improvements in the livelihoods of these people after more than a decade.
The economists behind this idea do not want to make spending decisions for adults. They want them to make decisions and take ownership at a very personal level. They believe that what is considered essential to a person sitting in his office in New York might not necessarily be considered useful by a poor family in Africa.
Dr CZ is seriously considering running say, for a legislative seat, in the coming elections on the promise to bring this sort of project into a certain rural community. If voters can vote for politicians who only remember them a few weeks before elections, what more if they are guaranteed more than a decade of free income? Dr CZ will emerge as a runaway winner, that we can assure you … and people will start demanding that he should run for some higher office!


  • gutter poet

    “The party considers the country to be its spoils of war..” You sir, are a genius, doctor! How apt!

  • Tatenda Jenya

    You forgot to complete the phrase….tried, tested and dismally failed….

  • Ruining party

    The real CZ you make my day

    • Felistus Russell

      Where had be gone to, thought he has been there always although others think otherwise

  • Observer

    If I were you CZ, I would consider doing the noble thing here by relocating to this Kenyan village.Taking with you chickens, goats and your all. Why, there is rumour Zimboz have Kenyan ancestors; this is time to seal the rumour as undeniable scientific truth by deeds of valour; what else did you think one’s ancestors would be proud of more than the return of their bone and flesh to the soil in which they lie burried? Where else on mother earth but Kenya can one be guaranteed of US$12 a month without shedding a single drop of sweat? This could be your long, long, long gone ancestors opening for you the door to fame and fortune. Take it.

  • Major Bob

    The opposition was correct in demanding that Mnangagwa and his colleague, Phelekezela Mphoko, explain some things to the nation. It was, therefore, only natural that Mnangagwa flatly refused … because there was no way he could have done it without exposing his backside as his party is the greatest saboteur to this country.

  • Major Bob

    Will ZANU PF will next year’s election

  • G40

    Last week, Vice President Emmerson
    Mnangagwa refused to answer a question from the opposition in Parliament
    regarding the issue of succession that had been raised at the ruling
    party’s rally in Chinhoyi. Now unformed reports suggest that he was vommiting today coz of alleged poisoning

  • David Tongo

    Can someone tell me who really is going to succeed Mugabe?


      The acting president at the time is rushed to Singapore after dying in office with the hope of bringing him back to life.

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