Dear Cabinet and Politburo members
COMRADES, I am glad that as we prepare for the upcoming elections which we have no excuse not to win by the 98 percent margin now standardised by peer democracies on the continent chiefs will be playing their crucial traditional role in our campaign. It was with this in mind that we decided in our accustomed wisdom as a party to bless them with brand new, all-terrain, vehicles.
This will certainly give them enough brio to go the proverbial extra mile to ensure that the party wins the elections by a resounding margin.
I am told that these chiefs and other traditional leaders below them are already dutifully demanding and getting voter registration serial numbers from their subjects so that they can start tallying the final election results. It is a typical case of counting one’s chicks before the eggs hatch… there are some things that are as certain as sunrise. Our elections are one such case. The chiefs have been accused by the opposition of being our de facto political commissars, but there is certainly no way any bona fide traditional leader would want the land to return to the whites… no ways!
This is why I enjoy the power of incumbency. We are now just about to wind up our election campaign rallies that we disguised as presidential youth rallies and the bill was paid entirely by the taxpayer because it was the President who was going around listening to the needs of the youths. Like I have indicated before, nothing can stop the President from going around the country again to meet other various interest groups … women, farmers, war veterans, cross border traders, the unemployed… any group of people and by the time we are done with these interface rallies our election campaign would be complete.
It is very sad that this time around Morgan will have a ready excuse as to why he will have lost… that he has not been fit enough to give me a good run. But the reality of the situation on the ground is that he was still going to lose this election, it has always been a question of the margin.
Anyway, let us keep our eye on the ball comrades.
After losing face from the World Health Organisation (WHO) disappointment debacle, the lame explanation that we gave was that we were never consulted at all blah, blah because we were going to turn down this WHO goodwill ambassadorial appointment anyway because we have a running grudge with the UN agency… its global anti-tobacco campaign is against our national interests, blah, blah! What a silly explanation! There is no stupidity beyond this!
The owners of this country are always boasting that being teetotallers and non-smokers has allowed them to enjoy extra good health for their age, yet in our so-called national interests, it is fine for others to smoke and die? We do not care for as long as money comes into our back pocket? Shame on us!
We are the very same country that used to produce landmines, grenades and other deadly weapons, through the Zimbabwe Defence Industries, that were used to fuel conflicts around the world, until we ran the company down.
People get into prostitution because they claim they have no option… in addition to the money being good. How different are we as a nation when we can deliberately expose other human beings to danger because we want money?
The tobacco economy that we are now calling our own national interest, just like the arms one, was created by the Rhodesian regime, yet we get angry when the appellation regime is employed to appropriately describe us.
What sort of human beings are we? Where is our conscience? At the end of it all, we claim to be a majority Christian nation! Silly idiots we are!
This week ailing opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai’s spokesman, Luke Tamborinyoka was livid that renegade MDC-T member Eddie Cross has continued to fuel speculation on the medical condition of the man who is revered in the hereabouts for being the most potent opposition nightmare to Robert Mugabe, who is being treated in South Africa.
Luke wants Cross censured for his regular hair-raising updates that appear to many to be more accurate than the official information.
We understand why Luke is frustrated. Cross’ updates are making his job of lying and misleading the people a real nightmare. It is sad to be in denial about actualities obtaining on the ground, and it is a tragedy to be in denial about being in denial. Being someone who thinks his job is to hide and or distort information, Luke is now increasingly finding himself in an untenable position where he has to react, instead of releasing his doses of lies whenever he feels it helps him to look and feel important. If Cross’ “crime” is lying about Tsvangirai’s state of health, then Luke is equally guilty of the same mischief. The last time the once pudgy trade unionist was rushed to South Africa on the same medical woes, Luke lied to the MDC-T family that their leader would be back in Harare within two days, and the two days turned out to be a good two weeks! Luke had spoken authoritatively as if he was a medical doctor, the same crime he is now accusing Cross of.
The truth is that people want information and if those who have it want to be worshipped first, people will get it from alternative sources. As a former journalist, Luke should know this basic.
It is very sad that Luke Dr CZ’s former foreman and one time drinking mate ― is still to learn to be a person of integrity when dealing with information of public interest. Maybe let us just blame it on politics.
Over the past weeks there have been repeated media reports of Zimbabwe Schools Examinations Council (ZIMSEC) examinations paper leaks. It is not surprising at all for we are a nation that lacks integrity… when we have people in very high offices or those married or related to people in very high office shamelessly strutting around with fake academic and professional qualifications, what can you expect? In fact, it would be so unfair to deny others much lower fake qualifications when those at the top have fake higher qualifications! It is simply unfair. It is obviously against the laws of natural justice. It is simply unacceptable! Is this not what caused the Second and Third Chimurenga in this country? Where a few people monopolise vast resources simply because they want to look and feel important?
A Harare man was last week arrested for allegedly swindling the public of an undisclosed amount of money after going around collecting “donations” ― read extorting ― in the name of the mis-ruling ZANU-PF party. We are actually shocked that this is considered a crime in this country were this culture of forced “donations” has been perfected into a fine art by almost every official. Surely, this is no longer a crime in this country as each and every public official is doing it, taking a cue from mandarins in the mis-ruling party. Only recently, the party accepted a “gift” of a massive tent from a company whose owners have every reason to be close to the centre of power and therefore certainly need to keep the machine oiled.
This man should be left alone. He is resourceful. If anything, he should be thanked for resorting to self-help instead of waiting for the threatened 2,2 million jobs!
Ask the remaining white commercial farmers, the ever-new farmers and civil servants, they will tell you that in the run up to every national and ruling party event, being extorted from is par for the course. The latest extortion round has started in the name of the party’s upcoming extra ordinary congress.
Three years ago, the party needed $1 million for its conference, this time around the figure has gone up to $8 million and yet these mandarins claim that the United States inflationist, Steve Hanke’s inflation figures are sucked from the air. Hanke’s 242 percent is actually an understatement compared to this 700 percent jump in the cost of hosting the party’s congress!
“Businessman”, Delma Lupepe, is in the process of trying to save his residential property from being auctioned by a bank to make good a judgment debt. He is also making a lot of noise about Merlin (Pvt) Limited, the once flourishing textile firm which closed a few years ago due to thorough mismanagement and had to be placed under judicial management.
This is the same man who is supposed to miraculously drive the vision of Zimpapers where he is moonlighting as board chairman, maybe because the country has a severe shortage of competent businesspeople! Small wonder, isn’t it? If a man cannot run a company whose profits are all funnelled into his back pocket, how could he be trusted with running a public business?
Meanwhile, in the spirit of disappointments, newly appointed Prosecutor General, Ray Goba, was WHOed out of his new position, cutting short a promising career as a somebody in “the system”. We thought that the fact that he was summonsed from that far to be acting PG he was already trusted to be a willing weapon of the regime? It certainly should have everything to do with belonging to a wrong basket in the factional wars that are raging in ZANU-PF. We are living in very interesting times indeed.
Can anyone spell Banana Republic please!
Anyway, illegal as the dismissal might be, Goba does not have Dr CZ’s precious sympathies so we are quite happy that he has been dismissed. Talk of good riddance!