Dear Cabinet and Politburo members
COMRADES, as a democrat that I have always been all my life, I have never really wanted to muzzle dissent in any form, just for the sake of stifling it, because I believe that it is good for democracy to flourish. My record is there for all of you to see for yourselves.
But I am beginning to think again about these core democratic principles of mine, especially in the face of increasing cases of people who choose to misunderstand my magnanimity and patience for weakness … the latest of whom are not the opposition, but some war veterans that have gone rogue. Who doesn’t know that war veterans form part of our disciplined forces? So for me as the Commander-In-Chief of the Zimbabwe Defence Forces to be loosing sleep over the wayward behaviour of people that are, by law, supposed to be members of a disciplined force is something that I find really unacceptable.
Surely, how could these rogue war veterans, sell-appointed for that matter, hold a press conference to call for the arrest of the leadership of the party?
Last year, when the police dealt heavy-handedly with them, I sincerely thought they had over-reacted, but in hindsight, I am beginning to see that those criminals deserved worse than what they actually got.
How could they call for a press conference to make such outlandish demands? In my own democratic opinion that was too rude, too daring and too opportunistic… a certainly unbecoming behaviour that behoves severe punishment. Let them repeat it one more time!
It is now very clear that they harbour treasonable longings and if ever there is something that can be referred to as committing patriotic apostasy, then this is it!
I think I warned these rogue war veterans last year that if they resort to threatening violence in order to get their concerns addressed, they should go back to history and learn from other dissidents of the past… from the Nhari-Badza rebellion, to the Vashandi rebellion… or even to the Gukurahundi dissidents and they will have an idea of what trouble they are courting for themselves.
We would not want any of those sad episodes to repeat themselves ever again in the history of our country because we are now the democracy that our people fought and died for.
Most of you Cdes are aware that I have been restraining members of our patriotic Youth League from dealing divisively with these rogues, but I think most of my energies are now spent. Very soon I may not be able to restrain them any further, so whatever happens after this point, I cannot be held accountable. They should not say I did not warn them.
These people have tempted fate for far too long. I am sure they are being paid to behave like this by their handlers in the West. You are all aware Cdes that Cdes Chris, the leader of these rogues last year went on a whirlwind tour of America — of all countries on earth — and this only served to confirm to all and sundry who their handlers are. A decision to dismiss him from our government should have been made earlier… in fact he should never have been appointed to any public office from the time I recalled him from some diplomatic posting. The devilry in him has not been completely exorcised from his mischievous liberation war days.
Meanwhile Cdes, I had to act on this niggling woman… I could not allow her to go on for another two years until the contract we erroneous gave her came to an end. We had to dismiss her. How could she scandalise our efficient and competent administration like that?
You have all seen the reports she has been issuing over the years and you know that there is no residuum of truth in any of those reports that she shamelessly compiled. It is so obvious that the evil West, having failed to topple us through their usual means, is behind this. Those detractors of ours are trying to give the false impression that we cannot competently run a country.
Remember Ian Smith swearing after signing the Lancaster House agreement that the success of the new government was to depend largely on the white component of its population? So all these year-in, year-out falsities ruthlessly detrimental to our government have been propagated with the intention of giving credence to this stereotypical nonsense that black people — Africans to be more specific — are not capable of running their own affairs. What nonsense!
At least Cde Mike is one patriot beyond reproach… in his hands, we can be assured that starting this year, parastatals and other government departments will start posting profits and surpluses much to the chagrin of our detractors.
He is one patriot that comes close to me and Cde Tobaiwa… just look at his track record… he transformed the Industrial Development Corporation into the fearsome conglomerate that it is today. If I had started off in 1980 with just six people of his calibre, I can assure you Cdes that by now, this country would have been more advanced than even Britain. I am not in any way suggesting that you are not good enough, Cdes… I am just trying to get you to understand how serious some Cdes take their jobs.
Anyway, I am happy with the work you are doing on the ground… we have already won the elections.
… AND THE NOTEBOOK
The incident that took place in Chinhoyi at the weekend is so hilarious that Dr CZ cannot stop laughing. We are referring to the incident that should have sent our supremely arrogant brother, Cde George Charamba (pictured), to bed with his shoes on after the presidential spokesman suddenly received a well-deserved dressing down from his boss’ wife, the mercurial Dr Amai. Although we should all be conscious that it is still a sin to laugh at the misfortune of others, I am sure it is not just Dr CZ who finds Dr Amai to be useful, once in a long while.
Has anyone ever heard of a story about Kutonhodzwa kwaChauruka? This was certainly long overdue. The brother was actually beginning to think of himself as an authority of some sort, when in fact he is a mere errands boy at the palace. His illusion had been getting so out of hand that it was now making him get angry on behalf of his boss. Most of us always wondered aloud if this specific action was included in the “Any Other Duties” section of his contract of employment.
Now the cat is out of the bag, we know that it was all part of his attempt to make himself feel and look more important than he actually is and could ever be.
The brother should have thought a command of the Queen’s language would transform him from being a nobody into a somebody… even going to the extent of uncovering his mask to reveal himself as the character behind a shadowy character that spewed vitriol against anyone who disagreed with the nonsense that is this sorry apology for a country. Maybe he feared that Dr CZ could steal the credit from him so he had to come out to claim it.
He should have convinced himself that power rubs off by staying close to those who wield it, a dangerous miscalculation, especially with this man who has never sought to be close to anyone other than to himself in his whole life.
So after all the years of bootlicking, this is how one it thanked? This is a lesson to all mere appointees.
If what is happening at Harvest House is a foretaste of what Morgan Tsvangirai and his faction of the Movement for Democratic Change (MDC) has in store for the people of Zimbabwe, then Zimbos are still a long way from the Promised Land that they hanker after, that Dr CZ can assure them.
When a political party that passes itself off as an alternative government cannot conduct its own internal affairs in a dignified way, what more can be expected of it in the unlikely event that by a dangerous accident of coincidence, it finds itself in a position where it has to manage the affairs of the whole country? In 1980, the people of Zimbabwe were defrauded of their right to a decent life and they have been holding on to that promise ever since. We hope and pray that they are not in for another around of deception anytime soon after a political party that cannot run its own internal elections has taken them for yet another ride.
So this week the party lost the furniture it had at its Harvest House after failing to pay off some former worker? At the rate at which this party, which is a danger to itself, appears to be going, very soon that building would be attached and sold off by creditors… unless it is hidden away under an individual’s name.
Only recently, the party reacted angrily to survey results which indicated that the ordinary man on the street see it as a joke… yet it does not do anything to disprove those Jeremiahs that see it as the primary danger to itself. Anyway, 2018 is not very far away.
At the weekend, the dismembered body of Chris Msando, the head of information, communication and technology at Kenya’s Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission, the main body overseeing that country’s elections due next week, was found on the outskirts of Nairobi, after he had been missing for three days.
He was repeatedly reassuring Kenyans that the new technology that would be used this time around was fraud-proof.
Now, that qualifies the upcoming elections in that East Africa country for African elections.
State-sanctioned brutality aga-inst journalists has resumed after a lull. That was long expected.
The cold peace can only hold when no one is feeling unsecure, but not when an election is getting closer by the day.
Dr CZ suggests that the Zimbabwe Media Commission should make it mandatory for journos to have helmets and other forms of protective clothing because theirs is also another hazardous trade, particularly when they are practicing in a country full of desperate politicians.