The Financial Gazette

CABINET FILES WITH CZ

Dear Cabinet and
Politburo members

Comrades, I am back and as effervescent, strong and flourishing as ever!

 Whoever invented this wonderful thing called annual leave was a real genius, I can tell you.
After a few weeks away from the neck-breaking schedules of my national office, I am feeling once again like a teenager and raring to go. The only downside to it is that the more you sleep well into mid-morning, the more riveting becomes the temptation to retire. I now understand what drives people into hurrying towards retirement.
Anyway, like I promised last week, I am back with a bang. I am quite pleased that elections in Mashonaland West - my home province - went on smoothly and we managed to show our detractors what a democracy our great revolutionary party is. I hope and pray that this is repeated throughout all our structures, after which our party would be more than ready to tackle any opponent head-on.
Those of you who attended last week's politburo meeting already know that the party made a firm decision that elections will be held this year . . . and they shall be held this year whether or not Morgan & Co want. The country cannot continue being held to ransom by a few confused individuals and their handlers. Never!
So, Cdes, take this message to the people. Tell them to be ready to defend their country's sovereignty and territorial integrity, as well as all the gains of the bitter liberation struggle. This election should serve to put some dreamers in their right place . . . the dustbin of history.
Cdes, as I return from my leave, I am disappointed that Morgan and his minions continue to make huge fools of themselves. Only last week, civil servants had called for a strike, less out of their sorry conditions of work, but more because the responsible minister had chosen to repeatedly insult them!
We are told this thug in the Ministry of Finance - who has been sabotaging our key agriculture sector - has started backtracking on the usurious tax regime he recently introduced in the hope of making life difficult for our people so that they could revolt against us. They can go ahead and daydream but the reality is that this will never, ever happen in this country! And Morgan himself has been  doing better and I don't see him improving his act anything in the near future.
I am happy people in the region are seeing him for what he really is . . . you all heard Brother Sata's unflattering comments recently, didn't you?
The same sentiment pervaded the Africa Union Summit that I attended over the weekend. Anyway, elections are coming and we are going to teach them a lesson!
 Let us all remain united.

Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely
ME

. . . AND NOW TO THE NOTEBOOK

President CZ!
Who is CZ to be left out? Who really is he not to join in the latest fad in town? We mean can anyone show very good cause why CZ should not declare himself a presidential candidate for elections that could come anytime from today and the second coming of Jesus Christ?
Surely it is fast becoming fashionable for every Tom and Dick to announce themselves presidential candidates in the next election - if ever it will come - so CZ sees no harm in throwing his hat into the ring. See, if piddling nobodies like Raymond Chamba - never mind those allegations and his past association with a certain party -Langton Toungana, Egypt Dzinemunhenzva et al can afford to have the gall to stand up so that they be counted, why should CZ -who is more popular than President Robert Mugabe and Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai combined - not do the same?
 It was with great difficulty that CZ made this decision, but had no choice after realising that a great many of his fans and supporters could be forced to vote certain into power (not office) because people of substance like Yours Truly continue hesitating to offer themselves to national service.
So CZ will be battling it out with those contenders in the next election . . . he is now just waiting for the nomination court to sit. After that nothing will stand in his way to be a blessing to his own people and country. CZ for President!
Dejected!
CZ is thoroughly disappointed that the 21st February Movement's fundraising committee has set for itself a target of a measly US$500 000 for this year's celebrations set for Mutare.
CZ smells a rat here. It looks like someone, somewhere out there is either trying to sabotage this important event or they are readying themselves to steal big time otherwise what justification is there for full-grown adults to sit down and agree to raise such a laughable amount?
Remember we are talking of ZANU-PF, a party with 14 million grateful supporters, so why should some people give detractors the impression that this is a party that is surviving from hand to mouth? Surely, such events should always serve as opportunities to turn the enemies of the party green with envy.
Being a party that is at the forefront of championing land reforms and indigenisation it should be very, very easy for this party to raise at least US$20 million for this  national event.
There are lots of areas to focus on . . . apart from the out-going white commercial farmers - who have grudgingly but surely become the core sponsors of this event over the past decade or so - there are now many people who have very good reasons to dig deep into their pockets. The ever-new farmers should be grateful for the "very successful" land reform, so if each one of the 300 000 beneficiaries were to donate US$10 each, that would harvest a princely US$3 million in no time.
 Then that is where those companies that are desperate to sweeten the bitter indigenisation pill would come in . . . especially those in the mining sector. US$500 000 apiece cannot be said to be usurious for foreign shareholders who - by the stroke of a pen - could lose billions of US dollars . . .  Then there are those newly set-up co-called Community Share Ownership Trust schemes from which respectable sums could come. Not to mention the ordinary party card carrying members.
We have not even mentioned the generous diamond mining firms . . . surely a figure of US$20 million can- not be said to be far-fetched. Well, even if all the money cannot be spent on the bash, whatever is left can be channelled towards the party's campaign for elections  this year.
Tired!
CZ has always thought of Michael Sata as the President of Zambia . . . but from the look and smell of things, it looks like the brother is not quite satisfied and would want to be the President of Zimbabwe as well. If the ellow was quoted right in the media recently, his comments on  Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai were out of order. His worry should be how to improve the lives of the people of Zambia, not to tell us who is good for us and who is not.
That is not and never his business. Zimbabweans are civilised enough to make their own decisions without guidance from outsiders who themselves don't seem to be able to tell their left from their right!
Sad
The passing on of veteran journalists, fellow Fingaz columnist Bornwell Chakaodza (yesterday)  and Makuwerere Bwititi (at the weekend) saddened CZ.
Surely, any profession needs such doyens to show the young ones the ropes.
May their souls rest in peace.

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