Chilling Out with Grace Mutandwa
LOVE is like the measles and at some point in life we must all go through it but will we ever get the love, commitment and together forever thing right at all? I ask because the divorce rate continues to soar and couples seem to be perfecting the art of cheating on each other. Even the church that should be the cradle of morality has been infested by a growing number of cougars.
Women in the late 40s to early 60s are preying on young men — young enough to be their sons. Do not tell me it is love because it’s not. Over the past several months I have done research the results of which will form a part of a book I am writing. Respondents told me they were robbing the cradle to satisfy physical needs. They say they are not looking for love, just a regular roll in the hay.
These women now popularly known as cougars give varying reasons for straying. The most common excuse is that; “My husband hasn’t touched me in three, four or five years.”
Look, I will be the first one to admit that making love is an important component of a relationship but I will also maintain it is not the most important factor. I strongly believe that marriage is sacred and the vows you made all those years ago in front of crowds should not be taken lightly. If you decide to get married then you should fully commit yourself to protecting that union.
People stop making love for a number of reasons. At times men become impotent because of pressure of work, instability at work, financial problems or resentment towards their other half. Years of living together and bottling up anger about even small things at times results in full blown resentment that can make one cringe when touched by their spouse.
At times both men and women just feel turned off by their spouse because they have lost the physical attributes that attracted them initially or the bubbly nature that used to light them up.
Some of these cougars describe themselves as born-again Christians or members of the mothers’ union. Women have told me that it is unfair for their men to expect them to live without physical fulfillment.
These are women who have children at times in the same age range as their lovers. Just because men cheat everyday is no reason for women to sink to their disgusting levels.
If nooky means so much to you then why don’t you walk away sister and go get all the honey you can lay your hands on without giving your church a bad name or hurting the people you claim to love.
The fact that some of the women actually travel out of town to answer the booty call means they still want to remain married because of whatever material benefits that brings. They also do not want their children, workmates, relatives and neighbours to know.
I have also spoken to proud owners of vibrators and other sex toys because they will not have extra-marital affairs. This particular group of women says their toys are a “better form of cheating”. They keep the goodies hidden for fear of hurting their men’s egos.
But of course some women will argue that while a vibrator can help relieve sexual tension, it offers no spooning or snuggling opportunities.
I have always said life is about choices. Make choices that make you comfortable. We used to complain about middle-aged men hunting down our daughters. Now we have middle-aged women going after our sons. We have come full circle.
How do we even hope to have a population of HIV-free young people? Both men and women have a responsibility to protect our young people.
If you must replace your man in bed please get someone of your own age. More importantly find out the reasons behind the lack of fireworks in your bedroom before you start something that will only end in tears.
Tit for tat is not a good form of communication. Talk. Revisit whatever it is that you used to find so irresistible about each other. No one ever said marriage would be easy. But you do not have to help turn it into a war zone.
It is not just women who let themselves go. Men develop huge tummies that are simply a turn off. Go to the gym together or exercise together at home. Help each other stay in shape. It is a wonderful confidence booster.
If you do not take your man or woman out for coffee, dinner or a drink, someone else will. Listen to music together or have your own special movie evening where you watch a film you both like. Bring the romance back into your life and safeguard your relationship and health.
The most important tool in a healthy relationship is keeping the lines of communication open. There is something that brought you together, find it and use it to rekindle the flame. Taking a lover is just pointless running away from something you should face and deal with.
Admittedly at times some relationships fail to survive but you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you were woman or man enough to deal with matters head on. If all fails then move on. Life is kinder to those who walk away to avoid hurting others.
Believe me, I get the whole hormone thing — the whole women in that age range want more tune-ups, oil changes and engine run- ins more than younger women. With middle age some women are now usually more comfortable with their sexuality, no longer have the fear of falling pregnant or challenges of nursing babies. They enjoy making love more.
Global socialisation has also meant women interact more on a social level, read more, surf the internet to find out what sisters elsewhere are up to. Inhibitions are being shed off and at times the result is not always attractive.
Women now want more. They are no longer satisfied with sitting at home hoping that maybe tonight is the night. Everyone wants a bit of fun but fun without responsibility is a death trap.
Whatever you do remember, the most important thing in life is to love someone. The second is to have someone loving you and the third most important thing is to have the first two happening at the same time. Do everything with love, warmth, passion and tenderness.
More love. xoxo
- Grace Mutandwa can be reached at: mudiwa2002@yah oo.com
Comments (2)
Show/Hide comments
...
written by Taz, September 06, 2010
written by Taz, September 06, 2010
Society has indeed come full circle and most marriages are now unions of convinience or incovinience depending on how you look at it. Couples live under one roof but that is as far as it goes cause other than that they dont do nothing together (excuse the grammar), its all about keeping up appearances. Point is, many continue to live together but are technically divorced, in other words dirvoce has taken a new form in that there is no physical separation and everyone does what they want when and with who they want. This I feel goes somewhere is trying to explain the 'Rise of the Cougar', men their age are not up to scratch physically, in any case they remind them of their 'impotent' tiger at home and so they 'catch em young'. Trying to keep it a secret is cause they dont want to invite 'everyone' into the finer details of their homes, to society they appear happy and tight and are simply tryiong to keep it that way. Some of these cougars husband are aware but couldnt be bothered as they are getting theirs elsewere with younger women in many cases. Its a whole big mess and its not going anywhere any time soon.
-
- +0
-
-
Write comment
Show/Hide comment form
great article