Be ready for elections anytime, Cdes

CABINET FILES WITH CZ

Dear Cabinet and
Politburo members

COMRADES, we should start getting ourselves ready for elections anytime next year, elections that we should win hands down and put our detractors to shame.

I am quite happy that members of our great revolutionary party have managed to ensure that our position emerges dominant in the constitutional draft currently being worked on, so after the referendum, I would be required to call for elections, and the last thing I would hate to do is to call for elections when my own party is not ready.
You have to start working hard from now on to make sure that each and everyone — right from the cell level — is ready to play their part in ensuring that the party gets back to its traditional winning ways.
With our diamonds, we have managed to burst the West’s illegal sanctions and therefore Morgan & Co have lost their unfair advantage, so I don’t see anything that can stop us from romping home to victory. This patriotic court ruling this week — after quite a long time — means more diamonds for us, I am quite happy.
Never listen to their cock and bull stories about the so-called outstanding GPA issues…there are no longer any outstanding GPA issues, and there won’t be any in the future because the GPA itself is fast coming to an end…after these elections, we will once more be running this country the way we have always ably done. There won’t be any new provincial governors, no Roy Bennett will be sworn in, no one will be going, and nothing more will be given away by our party, you can all be rest assured Cdes. Have you seen me being bothered by SADC’s 30-day deadline? It was just a smokescreen, everyone in SADC knows our position and they agree with it…those are the issues that Heads of State and Government discuss in closed sessions so piddling nobodies will never know the truth.
I am quite happy that the inclusive government has given our party breathing space and we have managed to re-strategise and rejuvenate our party. Let’s all get ready for another resounding victory!

Kindest Regards

Yours Sincerely

AND NOW TO THE NOTEBOOK

Zim way?
This week South African civil servants called off a three-week long pay rise strike that paralysed that country. Last week Mozambican police had to kill scores of people as they tried to handle food riots that erupted in the capital, Maputo. No one is suggesting that these two exemplary African countries could be trudging along the same route that one dear southern African country took. No one. But Africa being Africa, nothing can be ruled out, because as long as Africans get a chance to do things the African way, the result will be truly African!
Majority rule came to South Africa 16 years ago and already everyone is unhappy that strikes are the order of the day. Zimbabwe turned 16 in 1996, a year that is best remembered by wildcat strikes by doctors and nurses that lasted a record 49 days. Mozambicans are celebrating 18 years of peace and tranquility with bloody food riots, just like we celebrated our 18 years of self-rule with our 1998 food riots. Well, we just hope and pray that this is where the similarities end because it would be a sad day for Africa if one day we get South African refugees — both political and economic — flocking across the Limpopo!
Jail?
If the claims by Tourism and Hospitality Minster, Walter Mzembi that someone at ZIFA House forged his ministry’s letterhead and cooked up a letter purporting that the Warriors had to, perforce, go and play an international friendly against Jordan then that person should definitely be heading for jail.
If people can do that, we wonder how many other criminals could be forging letterheads and signatures from some such influential places in order to fool their way to rich pickings. Well, we wait and see!
Boggled!
We are being threatened with another round of increases in the price of bread. The reason? The same story that Russia has suspended wheat exports until maybe sometime next year.
How a country that is just concluding a “very successful” land reform exercise is affected by a wheat export ban in Russia boggles the mind. Doesn’t it? More so considering that we have two agricultural ministries!
One n’ only
The ZANU-PF Mashonaland Worst — sorry West —province was having a serious meeting in Chinhoyi at the weekend. We loved it when one of the resolutions was a bold declaration that the incumbent was the party’s “undisputed and uncontested” candidate for any elections to come in the future. Just wait and see how other provinces will stampede to outdo each other doing the same!
Manje so!
Well, the Akon-Sean Paul gig is over! Many were very, very happy, no doubt about it. But there are some of us who were left fuming. See, some of us, CZ and other self-styled VVIPs were made to pay a princely US$100 on the understanding that our important selves would enjoy the event in the safety of the “Golden Circle” specifically created — Apartheid-style — for us in the big stadium. But lo and behold, we were shocked to realise that we ended up mixing and mingling with the totem-less who had gate-crashed into the stadium! Criminal isn’t it? Just wondering if we are not getting some little refunds since it is quite obvious that we never got value for money? In fact, we were made to buy bottled smoke in broad daylight!
Whose fault it is that the totem-less rebelled against this “Apartheid” that had created four distinct areas for each economic group, and violently refused to respect the spirit of good neighbourliness as they invaded our own turf thereby causing untold anguish and discomfort among many of us, the well to do? Since we were made to pay for what we did not get, isn’t there some recourse in this case?
It is like paying for a first class seat on a plane only to travel standing in a toilet, and someone says it doesn’t matter as long as you arrived to your destination!