MY dear Comrades. I have no doubt that you all saw the story that I leaked to the media through some of the guests that were allowed — by this junta that has placed me under an illegal house-arrest — to attend the private birthday party at my Blue Roof palace.
The story captured everything and I am happy that the world is beginning to know that it was lied to by the junta-boy and his fellow coup-plotters. If indeed the meeting with me that he threatened actualise, I will take the opportunity to give him my piece of mind for I am now beyond caring. As a democrat, previously I was concerned about the possibility of bloodshed, but since the regime continues to shed blood, there is nothing to be concerned about anymore because it makes no difference. If anything, the situation could get worse if good men like myself remain silent in the face of this evil.
Like I repeatedly said in that story, this nonsense is not what I spent more than 20 years of my dear life fighting for. No and never! I am even more than ready to go to the bush again and fight for the re-liberation of this country. Surely, this nonsense should not be allowed to go on as if this is a nation of coward. It can’t be!
Having tasted power, which you can see he doesn’t know what to do with, the junta-boy is not leaving anything to chance. My boys tell me that last week he brought in that fake prophet from Nigeria — of all places on this planet — to try and get assurance that he is going to “win” before taking the risk of proclaiming the elections dates. In a poor attempt to wrong-foot us, he made sure that this conman, who masquerades as a prophet, flew into the country and met him in the middle of the night only for the media to be called and fed with some disingenuous waffle about how he had arrived at the wrong time and, therefore, had not been able to meet with the “busy” junta-boy… silly! He is desperate and fears that after all the effort of staging a coup, he may be in office for less than nine months, so he wanted the false prophets to assure him that he will win. If his chances of winning were not looking right, he would got for the option of
having an illegal inclusive government
that would run for several years while he tries to cow the electorate into voting for him, and or learning new
vote rigging tricks that we do not know yet.
I don’t care what he does. What I know for sure is that he is not going to last in that position because God and the gods have not ordained him to preside over this great nation.
They are threatening to arrest my hard-working wife for alleged academic theft… let them try her for ticks for she is itching for that showdown with the junta-boy. I laughed when he refused to be addressed as President when he called me shortly after his meeting with the Nigerian “prophet”. He knows that he is not a president and will never be one.
Your One and Only Leader
. . . . AND NOW THE NOTE BOOK
AT the weekend former mis-ruler Robert Mugabe was complaining bitterly about how he was toppled from power by the army and how his rights were being wantonly violated. While indeed the measure of a community’s civilisation is how it treats its weak and powerless, including its own scoundrels, sometimes the temptation to get cloying satisfaction when someone is hoist by their own petard gets too riveting… when you see someone struggling for breath in an atmosphere which they fouled themselves.
Now, Mugabe, of all people, fears the country may not have free and fair elections? Holy cow!!! And he believes that the army is turning this country into an equivalent of Adolf Hitler’s Buchenwald Concentration Camp? And he has the gall to complain that this is not what he fought for? Really? We think the people of Matabeleland and the Midlands, who only last week were taking advantage of his good riddance departure to commemorate Gukurahundi atrocities at Bhalagwe, would like to hear about this! The relatives of the 200-plus MDC-T members, who were killed in the run-up to the contrived June 27, 2008 presidential election run-off (Tsvangirai having won the first round by 73 percent), would also want to hear about this!
Mugabe wants free and fair elections now? Why did he not reject the results of the 1980 elections, which, because of the massive scale of rigging that forced the British government to load ballot papers on a plane and fly them to be burnt in UK as if there was a shortage of fire in the new Zimbabwe?
The former white commercial farmers would also love to hear that Mugabe also fears having his own rights and privileges trumped upon. And some of the things that he complained about… like servants and luxury cars for himself and his wife, can only get people to demand that he be committed to the protective custody of a mental institution because he is becoming a real danger to himself.
The Shona sages have a saying that dingingwe rinofara richakweya rimwe, iro kana rokwevewa roti mavara angu azara ivhu… which loosely means the cheetah enjoys it when it roughs up other animals, but when its turn comes, it stridently protests about its colours getting blotted. What has happened to Mugabe has rekindled Dr CZ’s faith in God and His justice. It would have been a grave injustice if Mugabe’s white head had touched the bottom of a grave without him taking his own bitter medicine!
AMERICAN writer James Baldwin warned that the most dangerous creation that any country can ever have is a man with nothing to lose. That is what happens when pretenders for leaders keep a nation on a thin diet of lies and false promises.
So it should not come as a surprise at all when someone like Morgan Tsvangirai dies and someone like Nelson Chamisa who is seeking to grab power, takes advantage of the more than ready pool of youngsters whose only preoccupation is scratching their bottoms and smelling their fingers. When everyone blames the resultant violence at the funeral that saw Thokozani Khupe & Co mourning while under hut arrest, Dr CZ simply blames it on whoever bred these rats in the first place.
Being a Tuesday that it was, in a normal country, even the most ardent of the deceased’s fans were supposed to mourn his passing on, from their workplaces while engaged in productive work. In that environment, it is easy to tell who is a genuine supporter and who is not because there would be no opportunism as is the case in this country. Most of the people involved in political activity in this country are merely doing so out of opportunism resulting from desperation and hopeless boredom.
AS the 100-day deadline that the new owners of the country set for themselves to prove in a practical way that indeed they are not worse than those that they confiscated power from by making visible positive changes in the lives of the people, they realised that for as long as the streets of Harare are over-flowing with people who are a living testimony of how never to run down a country, sclerotic sceptics like Dr CZ will always win. So they decided to make the best use of the foster child in the house… the opposition-run City of Harare. They placed a piece of charcoal on the unwanted child’s palm and sternly warned it to carry the fire with care. That is the experiment that government, through the Minister of Local Government July Moyo — who was summonsed from over a decade of retirement due to a serious shortage of clueless people to run down things — was trying to do when he ordered the local authority to remove kombis and vendors from the central business district. As was expected, when the experiment went horribly wrong, the foster child was roundly scolded for being hopelessly foolish, notwithstanding the fact that everything had been forced on it.
If there had not been any outcry and bloody violence, the whole idea was to lock out these “maddening crowds” from Harare’s central business district and give the impression that life had improved since the November power grab. This shop-worn trick won’t work.
Being someone who has since learnt the art of comforting himself by always seeking to see good in every evil, Dr CZ was disappointed when the ban was lifted after just one day. He had already found something positive that was going to come from this irrational decision informed by evil intentions. From his angle, he could see hospitals being nearly empty inside six months as walking those long distances was certainly going to do a magic trick on most of the people who are suffering from lifestyle diseases that are primarily a result of eating too much junk food in order to do nothing.
If you were to ask Dr CZ, he would tell you that the people of today are sick because they are dangerously lazy. When Dr CZ and others were being fooled into believing that they were liberating this country, they would walk from Mozambique reaching Seke area on the outskirts the then Salisbury before walking back to Mozambique and this they could do it several times a year. They would get lots of youths to join them on the way and help carry war materiel without anyone complaining about walking for too much. In those days when transport was erratic and communication systems still rudimentary, in the rural areas, people would walk 25 kilometres to and from school… sometimes walking the same distance to deliver a letter to an uncle’s would-be girlfriend then going back again the next day to get a reply. And if the girl had not yet found anyone she could trust to read the letter to her (and explain the big words like perpendicular, kinetic and missive) before she could reply, the errand boys would return empty handed, only to be sent back again the following day. These daily 50km journeys could last several years until the marriage was finally consummated. People were fit and the hospitals were never as full as they are today. You see that is why there can be good in evil? That is positive thinking!
USUALLY, people who read George Orwell, are not those in the happiest of moods. As the country prepares for elections, one of Dr CZ’s fan this week reminded Yours Truly of one of those Orwellian statements: “One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes a revolution in order to establish a dictatorship.”
The fan says it would be naïve for anyone to think someone stages a coup in order to hand over power after less than a year. Dr CZ is tempted to agree.