FOUNDING FATHER’S MEMOIRS: Junta-boy threatening to gag me, Cdes

FOUNDING FATHER’S MEMOIRS: Junta-boy threatening to gag me, Cdes
Former president Robert Mugabe

Former president Robert Mugabe

MY dear Comrades, you might all have noticed that since I started telling the truth about what really happened on November 15 last year, the junta-boy has not been too happy with me. He had foolishly hoped that I would remain quiet while he tells the whole world the laughable lie that I resigned of my own volition when I was in fact toppled in a coup d’état.

When I started talking, he got mad with me and did not even show up for the meeting that he had begged me to offer him. I know it was out of shame than anything else. Since then, the junta has moved in to tighten the noose around me… to effectively gag me. I can safely say that I have, to all intents and purposes, been served with a gag order — an illegal one for that matter — so I don’t know whether or not I will be able to continue addressing you like this in the near future. Just like all military juntas, some roundabout emissaries were sent to warn me that if I continue to talk openly about the evil that the junta-boy and his criminal gang have done and continue to do, something untoward would happen to me.
Because of that, my address to you in the long term is now no longer guaranteed. As you are all aware, I am under house arrest so there is a limit beyond which I can do some things. I will now rely more on those of you who are out there, especially those Cdes that are outside the country.
I foresee a situation where things are going to be tough because the junta would want to ensure that it retains power —and, therefore, get a veneer of legitimacy — through the sham elections that it is preparing. Someone brought this to my attention this week. It is what the junta-boy was telling voters in 2015 during the by-election that saw his wife replacing him as legislator
for the Chirumhanzu-Zibagwe constituency.
“What has brought us together is an election which is coming . . . Auxillia will be contesting with three other candidates which candidates do not have a history, and I don’t even know what these people have done in their lives,” the junta-boy said then.
“I, therefore, ask of all the 12 wards in Chief Chirumanzu’s area that you should go to the polls with the headman in front, district chairman following behind with the people and the councillor should also come, then go and vote.
“We know that each polling station has its own results, we will want to know from each polling station where the people would have come from and how did they get in. What we might fail to know is how death will come, but anyone who is voting we can trace the pattern because they have one.
“Nobody comes to vote in the same manner death comes, for death you cannot build a fence to keep it out, but a person who votes we can tell if they are for us or not with us and those who are not ours we will fence them out,” he added.
At this rally, the junta-boy warned that those who failed to vote for his wife would be effectively closed out of government programmes by what he termed ruzhowa (perimeter fence). He also made it very clear that those known to be against his wife should not be given a chance to cast their vote and went on to warn that a similar purge could be applied if the electorate voted “wrongly” in the by-election.
“I don’t see how that can happen here in Chief Chirumanzu’s area, here in Chief Samambwa’s area that we can get lost votes. We just want correct votes on the day,” he said.
Today, the very same person is now promising “free, fair and credible” elections; the results of which he would be a direct beneficiary. Where on earth can elections be free and fair when voters have to queue behind chiefs and headmen? When a marauding youth militia is conducting a door-to-door campaign collecting voter registration slip numbers for the sole purpose of intimidating voters?
I hope the African Union and the broader international community hear our SOS otherwise things on this neck of the woods could be going from bad to worse. You and me have work to do! Iwe neni tine basa! Wena lami silomusebenzi!
Kindest Regards
Your One and Only Leader
DR CZ was reading it somewhere that the US$1 billion tender to dualise the Beitbridge to Harare leg of the Beitbridge-Harare-Chirundu highway project had been cancelled, only to be told that someone was claiming that no such thing had ever happened. That explains it. That project was won by local construction players in 2003 and the whole 900 km road from Beitbridge to Chirundu was supposed to be done for just $883 million and it should have been completed by 2006 — that is a good 12 years ago — but the cost has ballooned to US$3 billion and we are still haggling about who should get the tender. The figure, which is in US dollars, ballooned because of the several fat layers of bribes and kickbacks that continue to be added right to this very nano-second. Remember the protracted court battles in which the local contractors revealed that the tender was illegally withdrawn from them after they flatly refused to shell bribes and kickbacks to several senior government officials? And for us, it looks like with the coming of the new dispensation, there is going to be another round of fat cats to feed, hence the need to recall the tender. While the threatened cancellation of the tender is not unwelcome because its award to Geiger International, an eponymous father-and-son business, had naturally raised eyebrows, what should precede the cancellation is the wholesale arrest of all the criminals that have already lined up their pockets on the basis of the inflated cost of the project. Dr CZ’s colleagues who attended the false ground-breaking ceremony of the project at Chaka business centre in Chirumhanzu in May last year, said at least $5 million was spent on this launch alone where a herd of 80 cattle was slaughtered for the song and dance.
After the cancellation, the tendering process should be done in the open, with first preference being given to the consortium of local contractors that previously quoted $883 million… even allowing for inflation over the past decade and a half, the final bill for the whole 900 km may not even go beyond $1,5 billion. This way, the people would start believing those that are going around claiming that the new regime is serious about fighting corruption in this country. But the sad reality of it all is that just after the elections, a new Chinese winner will be unveiled and the cost could have doubled to $6 billion! And the project may not start for another three years only to be talked of as the 2023 elections draw near… all along people will be dying on the now dangerous highway whose lifespan ended before independence in 1980. Shouldn’t we all Zimbos bow down our addlepated heads in collective shame? We really are an embarrassment to the whole of humanity!
Monica Mutsvangwa

Monica Mutsvangwa

THIS week we loved it when unconstitutional Minister of State for Manicaland, Cde Monica Mutsvangwa was on our one and only ZTV telling Zimbos that the new dispensation is busy fighting corruption blah, blah. While she was waffling about that, her son, Neville was mysteriously being appointed to two board positions, at Ariston Holdings (where free-for-all NSSA funds are invested) and at the Zimbabwe National Parks Authority. His first qualification is a birth certificate bearing the name Mutsvangwa… remember his father telling Zimbos that former vice president Phelekezela Mphoko respected former first lady Grace Mugabe’s marriage certificate than the country’s Constitution.
“He respects the marriage certificate more than he respects the Constitution. We are an elected constitutional republic,” Mutsvangwa told Zimbos two years ago.
Things appear to have changed because we appear to respect birth certificates more than anything else!
Please don’t ask why Dr CZ, who is more qualified in every regard — from patriotism to maturity to academic and experience and to common-sense —was not even considered for any one of these two board appointments; just as he was previously ignored out of existence when Bona Mugabe was being buried under an avalanche of public appointments.
Already, Neville’s parents are shamelessly drawing money from Treasury simply because his “uncle” is in charge. At this rate, we wonder how many such ‘‘dubious’’ appointments would have been made in the next five years. That is when you hear some spawning toad crooning that the new administration is fighting corruption.
Only last week, we read somewhere in the media that heads of some of the country’s 100-plus parastatals were refusing to reveal the number of people on their payrolls.
Remember this is where the over 75 000 ghost workers, who are in fact misruling ZANU-PF party’s political commissars, are accommodated, so how can the party be so naïve as to shoot itself in the foot ahead of elections?
Vice President Phelekezela Mphoko

Former vice president Phelekezela Mphoko

Facts & Figures
THIS one came from one of Dr CZ’s fans. She says there are more than 13 000 beer outlets in Zimbabwe. Delta Beverages makes sure that a truck visits these outlets at least once a week, to successfully deliver alcohol to every one of them. In contrast there are just over 8 000 schools in the country, but the government needs at least a year to deliver some textbooks for the new school curriculum that are being donated by UNICEF. Our problem is not lack of skills, but an incompetent government.
Dr CZ agrees. When it comes to mobilising resources to rig elections, it is done in a matter of hours… when it comes to logistics for birthday bashes or any such silly “public” events; everything falls into place in a matter of minutes. We are indeed a silly people!
NOW that the country has a brand new mother in the form of Cde Auxillia Mnangagwa, we hope and trust that she has since heard that the girls who sweated it out in the Mighty Warriors’ match against Namibia at the weekend were this week camped at the ZIFA village after being insulted with transport money ranging from $5 to $20 depending on where they come from.
Dr CZ has in the past suggested that all our national teams be disbanded for a few years until this country has sorted out some of the basic things of life. You see what happens when criminals get involved in running a country? Just look at what is happening at ZIFA!
Anyway, no one should say Dr CZ was cruel not to share his own frank views on this matter!
  • Gary WekuZviyambe

    CZ, you didn’t disappoint!

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