FOUNDING FATHER’S MEMOIRS: Looking forward to my Gukurahundi exoneration, Cdes

FOUNDING FATHER’S MEMOIRS: Looking forward to my Gukurahundi exoneration, Cdes
Former president Robert Mugabe

Former president Robert Mugabe

MY former Cdes. I hope I find you well. I also hope you saw that Davos interview in which the Junta’s poster boy was quizzed about his role in the Gukurahundi genocidal massacres and how his face went white and his mouth very, very dry that he started drinking copious quantities of water.

That said a lot to anyone with eyes to see. The host tried her very best to corner him into at least admitting it, even if he was not going to apologise, but he would not do it. All he could do is waffle some disingenuous nonsense about meeting some chiefs in Matabeleland blah, blah as if Gukurahundi was about chiefs. Rine manyanga hariputurwe. The truth is about to come out. I am happy that finally, I will be able to clear my name, which has been badly blotted by this Gukurahundi thing!

Like I have always pointed out, a lot of things, heinous things for that matter, were done in my name behind my back during the short period that I was ably leading the country. I am only discovering now that a lot of criminals used to hide behind my name and this is certainly one such case. If indeed I had sanctioned the killings as the prime minister of the country at that time, surely it would not have been hard for him, after being cornered that much, to just say everything that he did, he did in his official capacity, not as an individual. But he could not bring himself to say so because he knows that I was not even aware, let alone involved, in such dastardly acts! Having won the elections with such a runaway margin in 1980 and having the people solidly behind me, surely why would a democrat like me be so mean as to involve myself in senseless killings like those that I am now discovering took place in the Matabeleland and Midlands provinces? Why?
This is a real cause for concern for me. Now I wonder what else has been concealed from me. Like I have always pointed out before, I now know why the International Court of Justice was set up in The Hague.
I am told that Brother Jakaya Kikwete, the former president of Tanzania, wrote the following on his Twitter account this week: “I was delighted to come across comrade President @PRESIDENT_ED of Zimbabwe on the margins of the AU Summit. I congratulated him for the good remarks he made today at the opening ceremony of the AU Summit.”
You see? A statesman like Brother Kikwete knows that this is not a leader who came into office through democratic means, so instead of endorsing an illegality by congratulating him for coming into power, he rather found something less weighty to congratulate him for. I am told that this was the stance taken by most progressive African leaders like Brother Kagame, Brother Museveni, Brother Kabila and a majority of others.
Last, but not least, my dear wife’s thesis is finally available on the University of Zimbabwe website. Let us see what the haters will say.

Kindest Regards
Your One and Only Leader
ME

Twitter

. . . . AND NOW THE NOTE BOOK

FINALLY, the Davos noise is over. We are back to the same hard realities on the ground… of the same old regime, same old brutal tricks. When Dr CZ visited South Africa at the height of the 2008 crisis, he entered one supermarket and saw a lady with a loaf of bread and he asked her — while suppressing his excitement — where she had got it from. The woman looked surprised, until she realised that I was just arriving from Zimbabwe where supermarket shelves were empty at the time. That is what happens when you are citizens of a pariah state. Things that are supposed to be commonplace, even by Third World standards, start appearing to be novelties of some kind. Every time Dr CZ is at church, he notices how children, some well into their teens, are so fascinated with opening and closing water faucets. Or, when he watches in some buildings in the Harare central business district adults and children alike being mesmerised by escalators. That is what happens when a country is what Donald Trump rightly called it. In the case of water taps, one will later realise that there are some suburbs in Harare — legal and or otherwise — that started more than a decade ago without any water and sewer reticulation, and up to this very day, they are like that. It, therefore, is not surprising that although those children have grown up in what is purported to be an urban set-up, they are not used to some of the basic facilities like running water, electricity, modern toilets, refuse collection or even having a working residential postal address.

It, therefore, would not come as a surprise that when that country is invited to an annual international meeting like Davos, that Zimbabwe got invited to, it would be seen as a revolutionary achievement. It reminds Dr CZ of his childhood days when he got his first ever pair of shoes! Or later in life when he bought his first typewriter!

Attending Davos is a banal event like going to the toilet for any country with a half-semblance of normalcy, but the fact that we made a lot of song and dance about it goes on to show how low we have sunk as a nation.

What country is that where when one sees someone about to pay for something with cash (that is bond notes for that matter!), the natural instinct is to jump to restrain them so that they could engage the person in talks about the possibility of making an electronic payment for them so that they can get the cash? And to those people pretending to be the leadership, this is normal. The moment they issue statements lying that they are seized with the issue, to them it will be done because that is what they are used to… just lying, lying and lying, but no action!

President Emmerson Mnangagwa

President Emmerson Mnangagwa

Waiting…

DR CZ is told that, as part of the on-going show of fighting corruption, an executive decree was issued last week that legislators, ministers and other people who think they matter in this country should declare their assets. Wonderful and brilliant idea!

Dr CZ believes that if they are to be taken seriously, a true leader does not just bark orders, but leads by example. Dr CZ is, therefore, waiting to see how much His Excellency, President and Head of State and Government as well as the Commander-In-Chief of the Zimbabwe Defence Forces, Comrade Emmerson Dambudzo Mnangagwa, is really worth. Not that the only ISO-certified patriot in the hereabouts believes the naked lies by haters in the West that he had anything to do with some diamonds that went missing in the DRC; hell no! Dr CZ just finds this to be an opportunity to know how much his brand new owner is worth so that he can go around boasting… like futi- futi President vedu is a billionaire! Futi, futi President vedu ED has houses in Dubai, China and Cape Town! Futi futi Ngwena has 739 gold mines… just like we used to boast that our former president was more British than the British themselves and could speak the Queen’s language better than any other leader in the world!

Having been a poor man all his life, Dr CZ needs something to boast about. The worst thing that can ever happen to a poor man is having nothing to boast about… ever heard of a story of how poor men claim to be very good in bed? The last thing a poor man needs is a poor president!

Even famous African-American human rights leader, Frederick Douglass, pointed out that during his time, it “was considered as being bad enough to be a slave, but to be a poor man’s slave was deemed a disgrace indeed”! How we wish the leadership, in its wisdom, could also declare their spouses, children, small houses et al as part of this exercise because without doing so, it is difficult to know who really owns what… a Mount Pleasant palace could be registered in the name of a two-year old. Where did the tot get the money from? We would also be able to know who is related to who and all that. You see? In addition to this, Dr CZ would also be able to go around boasting that: “Futi, futi my president has three wives, 18 smalls houses and 264 children!” How is that for a throaty retort when citizens of the other countries try to tout Dr CZ as a poor Zimbo?!

US President, Donald Trump

US President, Donald Trump

Really?

DR CZ sincerely hopes that the media misquoted a ruling by Bulawayo senior judge, Justice Francis Bere; and that it dangerously misunderstood him to be suggesting that rapists ought to be castrated. We know that the learned judge is fully aware that his job is simply to interpret the law, not to share his own personal wishes and emotions with the public because the law has no emotions, otherwise this would lead to a lot of cases of injustices simply based on the judge’s own prejudices.

Surely how could a learned judge talk in a court of law in the same way that a careless and senile politician, like the former president Robert Mugabe, would talk at a political rally to please a certain political constituency? Bere has been a judge long enough to know that there are some plaintiffs that are so good at acting that they can fluently lie before a court in order to settle a personal vendetta against an accused. He should have handled cases of some people raising false accusations, especially after being caught in embarrassing relationships. Just like the death penalty is final, what will happen in a case in which the truth eventually comes out when the accused has already been castrated?

Talking of the judge being viewed as one concerned about the depredations of paedophiles, Dr CZ remembers himself doing a research whose results worried him after noticing that chances were that if a man appealed against conviction and sentence in rape cases, especially those involving sex with minors, before Bere and another male judge, the appeal would mostly likely succeed. In one of the cases, Bere even went on to play defence lawyer for the accused, going to the extent of accusing the victim — an 11-year old girl — of being “morally-loose”.

This was despite that the brother judge admitting in the same judgment that the girl was technically incapable of consenting to sexual intercourse with a man.

“I sincerely believe that when the legislature framed section 65(1) of the Criminal Law (Codification and Reform) Act (Chapter 9:23) the primary objective was to protect young girls and women from being ravaged by men against their will,” Bere said when he set free a man (correctly) jailed for 12 years for having sex with the minor.

“The morally-loose character exhibited by the complainant in this case appears to be slightly off the radar of the objectives of the legislature,” he added.

Today, he is the same judge who is reportedly wishing that sex offenders are castrated. In the unlikely event that Bere was not misquoted, the supposedly learned judge might as well tell the court how similar punishment would be visited on the female rapists that are always on the prowl these days. Court is adjourned!

cznotebook@yahoo.co.uk

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  • Tsenengamu

    Is that all from you this week, Rtd Shefu?

  • Jacques Untel

    Where’s the rest of the column? No post on the website has more than two paragraphs today. What’s going on…

    • Pukunyu

      kkkkkkk its a teaser so that you buy the paper

      • Jacques Untel

        That’s what I thought, but they’re getting the marketing backwards. There are lots of people out there — I’m one of them — who live far away and have no way to buy the paper. The website should be a profit centre in itself, not promoting the print edition. In other countries a lot of newspapers are moving to online only. Print newspapers are a thing of the past.

  • phillip mubhau

    CZ you are like MDC you feasted alot on Mugabe Regime now he is gone ,basa rapera,i started following you when l was college today am 44years old .thanks for your time. Kwaaa pliz dont be hard on me am your Big funny

    • gutter poet

      Big funny fan? Perhaps!

  • phillip mubhau

    CZ now you are like MDC you feasted alot on Mugabe Regime.
    May you join your party now and lead Ngwena choir master like Trevor Ncube

  • Cde Rhany D

    KKKKKKK CZ Getting old and weak cant even fill a page

  • Matsimba

    I want to register my greatest displeasure on the way you have changed you editorial policy. Financial gazette is a weekly financial and should give a detailed, well researched and analytical articles. These short things, for lack of better word, is for a daily paper like Newsday and others. Well researched articles are not necessary long, but should capture all the issues in a fair and objective manner. So in other words the editor is disregarding the online audience and focusing on hard copies. Come on even Herald, despite its sometimes narrow reportage has done a tremendous job on its online publications. So Mr/ Madam editor, please consider our earnest request.

    • Scotia

      Well said.

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