CABINET FILES AND CZ’S NOTEBOOK
Dear Winning Team
COMRADES, I am so happy that things went unbelievably so smooth than we ever thought they would when we were burning the midnight candle as we strategised to ensure we got our party back to its old glorious days.I never thought things would work half this simple in life. After the March 2008 tsunami, who would ever thought that we could ever laugh about it like we are doing today!
I nearly laughed my lungs out when I heard that the whole drama was ending with our competent courts ordering the arrest of those chaps who have been misleading Morgan all along!
After making a noisy show of challenging my landslide victory in the elections, what did he end up doing? Withdrawing the petition from the Constitutional Court after realising that all the so-called evidence of alleged “massive electoral rigging” could not stand in a court of law… after that, they went on to wantonly insult judiciary officers left, right and centre. Well, they can now see for themselves whether or not there is rule of law in this country!
Now that everyone is stampeding to congratulate us for this resounding win, including those who initially tried to cast aspersions on our electoral processes after being misled largely by Western-funded non-governmental organisations, we have nothing to worry about as far as that golden veneer of legitimacy is concerned.
All the countries and blocs that really matter in the comity of nations have endorsed our harmonised elections as free and fair. You can all tell by the number of foreign dignitaries attending my inauguration today really how popular we have become.
That was unlike after our June 2008 elections, where not even a single foreign dignitary attended my inauguration.
You can see the levels of confidence the region now has in us, with the Southern African Development Community even electing me to the deputy chair’s position, in readiness to take over next year.
I am quite happy because things are not only going well career-wise, but at family level as well… you all heard the good news, didn’t you?
All this is happening when not only other people’s political careers, as families as well, are in doldrums…well being a good African that I have always been, I know from my mother’s breast that it is never the done thing to celebrate another’s misfortunes … even when some of them are self-inflicted!
I have to get ready for the big day.
. . . AND NOW TO THE NOTEBOOK
Now that the elections are finally over, we hope that those who doubted it when CZ was saying it — that all politicians are the same — still have the winning party’s manifestos with them so that they can start ticking its contents off one-by-one so that after five years they can prove it that Yours Truly is a criminal prophet of doom!
If only the “cussed” West could remove those putative sanctions so that at the end of it all, no one would try to hide behind a finger by blaming almost everything on “the illegal sanctions imposed by the West”… even though when they made those grand promises they made them fully aware that those sanctions were already in place!
When a politician fails, the easiest thing for them is to find a scapegoat. That is as easy as saying easy!
CZ would be particularly waiting for the threatened unleashing of the US$2 trillion into the economy by our dearest great revolutionary party. While we await for that to happen, CZ would be spending US dollar equivalent of his Zimdollar wealth which as of two weeks ago stood at a princely Z$874 398 777 082 333 222 874 200 219 446 318 248 902 850 092,06.
One thing that is beginning to worry CZ is that in the run-up to the elections most of us were fast getting alien to shortages of basics… like water, electricity, generosity, etc. Since Zimbabweans got into their unique “celebratory mood” following the landslide victory by their favourite party, those traditional shortages have started creeping back. We are told some people are being investigated for sabotaging power supplies in the country! How about our water taps that have suddenly gone try? And the sweet goodies that have suddenly vanished? We hope and pray that these alleged saboteurs will be around to accept blame when we ask our politicians why they would not have been able to deliver on all their “threats”.
CZ was reading this week… “A Malawi newspaper reported that commercial sex workers in the southern African country’s capital Lilongwe last week raised their prices due to the Southern African Development Community (SADC) summit at Bingu International Conference Centre.
A snap survey conducted by Nyasa Times in various booze joints in Lilongwe such as Star Light, Chez Ntemba, at Bwandilo and Mugasa along the Devil Street indicate that in spite of the presence of many sex workers who patronise the city’s drinking joints the summit negatively affected their social life.
“Life is hard. We are no longer enjoying the girls as was before. For example, prostitutes have almost tripled their charges. We used to pay them K1 000 for a short time at Bwandilo some even went as low as K500 but now they are charging K3 500 for short time and double as much for a full night stint,” said a patron who identified himself as Austin.
He said it is unfortunate that many “guests” who have come for the summit are splashing the bank notes like nobody’s business which has led to most of the city’s ‘citizens’ lose their girlfriends.
One of the prostitutes Linda Malunda (possibly not her real name), at Chez told Nyasa Times point blank she is in the capital for “real business”.
“It reminds me of tobacco selling season when I usually travel all the away from Blantyre to share the spoils with the farmers here. This time is not for anthu obooka mmatumba (those without money),” she said.
Linda, who disclosed that most of her clients are those from abroad, said since the start of the summit on August 10 she has earned “enough to build a house”.
“Depending on the accent, I charge K5 000 for short time and whoever wants to have me whole-night I charge K15 000 or the lowest, K10,000. And these guys pay since most of them are residing in expensive hotels and lodges”, she beamed.
Bartenders at Bwandilo and along Devil Street are corroborating the story, saying new arrivals sometimes outnumber regulars in the drinking places.
Grecian Telunde a bartender at Bwandilo said there are sometimes fights between old and new prostitutes for boyfriends.
“Last week, two girls exchanged blows over a South African man they both claimed was their boyfriend. And yesterday another girl was beaten up by three girls who accused her of snatching their friend’s visiting Mozambican boyfriend,” he said.
Said a female journalist: “Today alone, I have been proposed to by three visiting SADC delegates, one of them wanted to take me out tonight, another one said I should spend the day in his room, another one said he wants to marry me.”
While still reading, CZ sadly read somewhere that Hospitality and Tourism Minister, Walter Mzembi, was threatening that he would ensure that no prostitutes would be allowed anywhere near delegates at next week’s United Nations World Tourism Organization General Assembly meeting which we would be co-hosting with Zambia. Cde Mzembi might reserve his constitutional right to dream that it is possible to separate tourism from the world’s oldest profession, we wonder whether this was a Cabinet position or his own position. And then we would want to know why this bad news (to many) is only being delivered after such a decisive election! Why did they not tell the voters that those who think of empowering themselves through the event can go hang?
Well, in the unlikely event that the threat is enforced, CZ is assured that many of the foreign “investors” coming to this event specifically for the natural resources will not hesitate to lavishly spend their cash in Livingstone!
The ruling by Justice Chinembiri Bhunu to order the arrest lawyers representing the MDC-T leader Morgan Tsvangirai in his failed bid to challenge President Robert Mugabe’s electoral victory is quite interesting. It reminds CZ of a case some years back when Yours Truly was still a court reporter when Justice Godfrey Chidyausiku, then a High Court Judge, ordered the immediate arrest of one lawyer who was in the habit of coming to court not only drunk, but also misled his clients like nobody’s business! He also ordered that the lawyer brother be reported at the Law Society of Zimbabwe for possible deregistration!
This is CZ’s Notebook