What’s Love Got To Do With It?
WELL, yeah, men do withhold sex too. Apparently it is not just women who do it to their partners.
The reasons for this are many. Here are the reasons we found from men who spoke to us as well as from magazines and websites.
Criticism or Abuse by partner: Constant criticism and belittling by wife or partner may lead a man to either not be able to or not be willing to have sexual relations. “There are women who will shout at you,belittle you, argue with you and undermine you at every turn .After that they offer you sex, as
much as we (men) love it, the answer is thanks, no thanks.” (Direct quote)
Regard for each other’s feelings is important to prevent ‘hurting’ the other person where it matters.
Lack of stimulated desire: When there is a lack of heightened or sustained interest, as well as lack of newness or adventure in their sex life, men become bored. These men often blame their partners for the sexual issues in the relationship. Men and women become bored with the sex routine in their lives. It’s important to try new positions and places for sex. Both people can help in creating the sex life, they both would like.
As a form of punishment: When sex is withheld as a form of punishment, it can give the man a sense of control. Your sex life should never be used as a form of control or punishment. This can lead to serious issues in your relationship to the extent of a break up or divorce. If you make the choice to withhold sex or particular pleasurable sexual acts, be prepared for the damage it can and will do to your relationship from cheating to breakups and divorce.
When partner has gained or lost a lot of weight: Weight and physical appearance can change over time. Some men find they’re less attracted to their partner. When men become less attracted to their partner and not accepting of their body changes, some men may withhold sex.
Stress, depression and medication can affect a person’s sex drive. This can be true for men and women. Life can get busy and stressful at times. It is important to distress and seek treatment and solutions if depression and illness strike. Be involved in your relationship, know what’s going on and be there for your partner.
For variety’s sakes: Some men desire to have sex, just not with their current partner. Cheating is a tough thing to handle within a relationship. More often then not, the first signs of cheating appear in a couple’s sex life. If your sex life has dramatically changed for no apparent reason or new positions you’ve never talked about are being done, chances are he’s cheating. There may be other signs like the cell phone being turned off or hidden. Unexplained chunks of time to receipts for places you’ve never heard of. If your man is cheating, you have a lot more problems than just your sex life.
Drugs and alcohol can have a negative affect on a sex life. While some people become very open and daring, there are others who become closed off and reserved. If your partner is drug or alcohol dependent, chances are you’ve noticed this in other areas of the relationship, not just your sex life. Professional help is recommended to treat the drugs and alcohol.
Preferring to Masturbate: Some men prefer to masturbate then have sex with their wife, girlfriend or significant other. When a man would rather masturbate then have sex with his wife, girlfriend or significant other there’s a problem within the relationship. He may never come right out and say what the issue is. If after confronting the issue, there’s no change. It might be time to seek a relationship counselor.
Low libido due to Hormonal levels: The most important physiological stimulant of sexual desire is testosterone. The testosterone level is relevant to how much sex he desires. Also, too much prolactin and SHBG (sex hormone binding globulin) can suppress sexual desire. So when a hormonal reason is suspected, there are the blood tests to have (in order of importance): free testosterone, prolactin, SHBG, and total testosterone.
Identity issues: When men feel uncertain about their role in the world, their desire for sex can dwindle. Depression may be linked to this, but isn’t always.
Identity issues can crop up when: he has issues at work or is out of work, faces the death of an important family member, becomes disheartened about a formerly held strong belief, and questions his understanding of his own sexual orientation — to name a few.
Turn-off to aspects of the sex: Some men will turn away from sex rather than have sex that is not fulfilling to them. Lack of fulfillment can be related to specific things that his partner does during sex or how he experiences his partner’s body. He may feel criticized or treated unfairly. It may just seem like too much “work.” He may have sexual interests that he knows or fears his partner may not share.
Too many requests for sex as well as ulterior motives/hidden agenda: “Requests immediately after sex. This is so annoying when sex is used as some form of currency that you can buy things with, l like to call it prostitution within the marriage set up. As a result we avoid sex to avoid.” (Direct quote from one man who spoke to us).
Disagreements with one’s mate. When there are interpersonal difficulties between the couple, many men will avoid sex or just plain refuse their partner’s advances. Some men punish their partner by withholding sex, but for others it’s not a matter of punishment, they just cannot muster sexual feelings when there are unresolved conflicts.
Addiction to Pornography: Porn can be a factor in relationships. It’s true that women watch porn too. However, more men are found turning to porn as a substitution for their sex life. For men porn is a place to see their fantasies played out without all of the performance pressures in the bedroom. Porn addiction is a very real issue. It’s also an issue that can be dealt with.
Fear of intimacy: Some men have relationships with their romantic partner that resemble that of siblings. The contact that they experience in their relationship takes the intimacy level up so high that adding sexual intimacy on top of that feels like an overload. Though it may be difficult to imagine that a person could have too much intimacy, it is the hunch of many sex experts today that this is a very common cause of declining sexual frequency in couples.
Difficulties functioning sexually: Many men who have an erection dysfunction or believe that they ejaculate too soon — or too late (if at all), will avoid having sex with their partner. Rather than face what feels like another experience of “failure” in our performance-obssessed culture, these men choose to avoid being sexual at all.
A happy and healthy sex life can lead to many great years of satisfying intimacy in a relationship. If your sex life seems to have changed or become lacking, work hard to put the spark back into your sex life.
Sources: Men who spoke or wrote to columnist; voice.yahoo.com; blogs.webmd.com
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